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January 9, 2017


So this is my first lecture and it really was going to be about death and dying.  But I decided to make it all about our perception of death and dying.  I am going to share a very personal story with you- one that has not been talked about for many, many years and one that I get very emotional about at times. So please bear with me. 
 You see- 35 years ago on January 6th, 1982 I lost a daughter, her named was Virginia Gail McKinney.  She was born with Anencephaly where her brain never developed in conception and therefore she could only survive a few hours.  I was just 24 years old, I had a daughter who was just 3 years old and a marriage that was ending.  I think I lived my life always feeling good about myself- even though I was different- I have always been overweight but I would say that it really never bothered me.  My brothers teased me constantly but I think I really knew deep down inside it was out of Love and never really took it personally.  But when I married and the man that I loved – decided it was cool to tease me the same way that my brothers did- it was different.  It was not the same and I could not stand for it- I saw my true self slipping away and I had to break away!  So we decided to separate- but prior to finalizing our separation I was pregnant.  Oh Wow!  Early 1980’s 2 children- no career and divorced.    Now I felt I was stuck- Stuck in a marriage that was difficult to say the least, however I would work through it- wasn’t happy about it- but I would make it work somehow.  So I pressed on.  Early on in my pregnancy I had the opportunity to have an ultrasound.  What- I did not know what that was- they were so new- did they cause cancer?  What were the side effects- no one really knew- so I elected not to have one until 30 days prior to my delivery.   Well in December of 1981, my life changed forever.  I found out that my daughter would not survive childbirth, that she had a birth defect that would not allow her to live more than 2 hours. It was the first time ever I saw my father drop to his knees and cry at my feet.  It was devasting for my entire family.
 But for me- the inside of me that no one knew- in my thoughts- it was horrible.  You see I was not a spiritualist- I did not know all the things I know now- I was a Presbretarian- my god was a god that punished you for not following his word.  That was my God- and he was punishing me for all my thoughts about being angry about being pregnant.  This was the ultimate punishment, he would take away my child and I would suffer for my behavior for eternity.  And that is just what I did- I suffered.  I went into the hospital on my birthday, December 8th, 1981 to deliver my child.  But there were many complications and after almost losing my life- the doctor decided it was best to wait- wait until I could deliver at term.  I spent that month feeling my baby move and kick and just knew that the doctors were wrong!   So On January 6th, 1982 the c-section was scheduled and Virginia Gail was born.  Since my husband and I could not afford to bury her- my brothers stepped up and paid for a special funeral for her.   To be honest I remember little about what was happening around me with others- just what I was suffering in my own mind. 
Well so after that- I started a new career in Real Estate with the help of my best friend’s mother- She was a God Send!  Soon after that my husband and I separated and I was on my way to a new life.  But the thoughts never left- I suffered a major depression every Christmas and it turned out to be the worst time of year for me.  Our family never talked about it-it was just that silent thing that affected us everyday.
Now remember I was not a spiritualist, I did not start looking into communication with the dead until many years later- I always thought it was weird and only weird people did that!  But then I had this friend, who tried to teach me and show me more and more that communication with the dead was a Fact and that I may even have that gift. 
So one night at dinner, she did not know anything about Virginia Gail- she said that she had someone there for me- and that she wanted to celebrate her birthday with me- she was a child.  She described her defect.  I stopped for a moment and then realized it was Virginia Gail’s 21st birthday!  Wow!  That is crazy!  Right?
Well year’s past and lots of depression- lots of feelings that I was not worthy- that I caused this suffering in my life.  That no one else could understand and no one had to endure this suffering it was mine to carry by myself.  I tried to release it to God but it was always there.  

Finally on Virginia Gails 30th birthday in 2012- we had a major breakthrough.  One that change my life forever and I do not even know if my daughter knows how significant it was!  She came to me and asked if we could celebrate Virginia Gails 30th birthday.  It was hard for her to talk about because remember- the subject was taboo!  So she planned a special celebration and we talked- we talked about everything- my feelings- my thoughts on the whole situation and I found out that her perception of the entire event was totally different. I had never thought about or remember thinking that she was going through her own loss.  One that was never talked about and she never understood why.  It became very clear that  everyone in my family that was there and experiencing the same situation had a different experience or perception of the whole experience.   She had lived her life knowing that she had a sister and her perception was that I loved her sister so much that I just could not share my love with her and therefore she lived her life not feeling the kind of mother’s love that she so desperately needed.  Now remember that was not my perception- I was an active Mom- I was the Girl Scout Leader- I took her to Dance, active in her school work and so on.  I was the perfect Mom!  I just had this issue sometimes!  Right? 
So needless to say- the last 5 years have been a journey- a journey to self- discovery.  One that I have truly put myself into the belief of Spiritualism- that communication with the dead is a fact- that they surround us like our little guardian angels just wanting us to see the light!  That all things happen for a reason and even though we do not understand the reason, or the bigger picture- there is a greater plan out there- one that is meant to be- one that we have free will to take as long as we want to be able to experience the joy that was meant to be.  That your mind is a powerful thing- but your sub conscious mind is even greater and your unconscious mind – the one that controls it all- the one that you